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Be Still

I am at a retreat this morning. This is an unusual retreat. This is women in ministry…

Often we plan retreats with a lot of activity and social. We have our fair of social this weekend, but the main activity is to be still before God. Even as I prepared to come out on to this deck to sit in the cool air and watch the waves crash against the cliffs, I literally packed a backpack to walk 20 steps… because I don’t want to be distracted… I want to sit, I want to be still, to hear God’s voice speaking into the chaos of my heart which has been overflowing with “to do lists” and imposed/self-imposed expectations, with my dreams, my desires.

God is not a checkbox on my list of things to do, He is the center of this retreat. We each brought food and visited over coffee. Then each headed went their own way to spend time in this Jesus Journey… I chose the deck, the salt air… I have stalled… I know the topic, and I fear what God has to say to me. I know what I want, but I also know what God wants – He wants obedience. I know that not listening, not hearing, coming to God with pre-conceived ideas and wishes has a cost. Following Him also has a cost, but He bears the pain of that cost, whereas going out on my own is to step outside the cover of His wings… And so, here I am, Lord… not my will but Yours I choose… show me Your dream, Lord, and it will be my dream.